


I'll always be yours

by Konoha-No-SasuNaru (ChileanRach)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Developing Relationship, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Suicide, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:54:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7862569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChileanRach/pseuds/Konoha-No-SasuNaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a reason why people say things don't last forever. Specially when it comes to good things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll always be yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChileanRach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChileanRach/gifts).



> I'm very sorry for what I'm about to post. I'm in a dark place right now and I feel truly guilty for posting this. 
> 
> If any of you, beloved readers, feels triggered by the subject I'm touching, please, you better go back and don't read. I would never mean to trigger anyone into doing anything bad. 
> 
> PLEASE, if you're dealing with something hard and you decide to read this story anyway, feel free to write me, to leave a comment or simply to tell me if you think I should delete this story. Somehow it is important to me but not if it will hurt any of you, because everyone here is very important for me and for everyone who loves you. 
> 
> This might be my way of saying goodbye. I may be not coming back so thanks for taking the time to read my work. It's humble and it has a lot of me in it. 
> 
> No more left to say, just thanks and please leave feedback.

He was in love. Yes. But as he was in love, he was also in pain. Naruto realized he had fallen in love with Sasuke a long time ago. Very long. And for years, loving him from faraway was enough. He looked for him, fought for him, risked his life for him until Sasuke finally fell back into senses and went back to Konoha with him. Still, he didn't dare to confess his feelings for Sasuke. After all, he felt ashamed of himself for loving another man. Plus, there was Sakura, who kept claiming to be in love with Sasuke and hadn't stayed away from him a single minute since he was back in the village. Naruto couldn't stand the idea of breaking Sakura's heart. Even if Sasuke still ignored her as ever before, he didn't want to get between them and bother her in the slightest of the ways. However, seeing her clinging onto Sasuke all the time became more and more painful everyday. 

Time passed and his closest friends started to realize that he was sad. Kakashi told him that his light was fading… turning off. His former sensei took him out one day. He offered ramen and when Naruto said 'no, thanks' he knew he had to get scared. So, instead, he took him to his own apartment and offered a beer. They talked and for the first time ever, Naruto confessed to someone that he was in love. Kakashi said he knew. That he had felt it after watching him fight so hard over Sasuke for so long. 

Naruto wanted to drink more, Kakashi provided the alcohol. Naruto cried, Kakashi hugged. Release came after a few hours when he wasn't crying anymore and had stopped throwing up after getting drunk for the very first time. He spent the night there and he felt better the next morning. Kakashi tried talking some more. No words came from Naruto's mouth. 

Sasuke left Sakura alone one day. He felt sick of her. She was acting stupid and she was proclaiming herself as his girlfriend but no. Sasuke had no girlfriend. It was hard but he managed to remind her that he really had NO girlfriend. He finally got one day for himself. He didn't realize how it happened. He just found himself at Naruto's doorstep. The blonde had been surprised, he could tell. The talking was awkward at first. They hadn't spent time alone at all since Sakura was always surrounding them like a guardian dog. Then, the awkwardness disappeared and things were just like in the past. Naruto cooked Instant Ramen and Sasuke accepted it with a funny face. They sat in the couch to share their noodles and their hands found each other at some point. They stared at each other's eyes. The ramen long gone. Sasuke found his hand caressing Naruto's whiskered cheeks and Naruto said it. The 'I love you' that had been locked inside him for so long. Sasuke's eyes widened at first, closed later, as he went closer and kissed Naruto in his soft lips. Both hearts beating faster than ever before, filling their bodies with warmth, love and desire. 

A couple of hours later they were both in bed. Their sweaty bodies entangled together and their hands still rubbing each other's skin as they panted. Another 'I love you' came out. From Sasuke's mouth this time. Two lonely hurt souls, lost for so long, finally found each other and discovered what happiness meant now that they were together. 

There is a reason why people use to say nothing last forever. Specially when it comes to good things. The time to deal with Sakura came. Of course, she didn't take it well. As it was her use, she blamed it all on Naruto. She held Sasuke tight but he pushed her away and Naruto paid for that. She punched him with all her strength and everything went black for the blonde boy. 

Two days later he woke up at the Konoha hospital. A bad concussion on his head caused an inner inflammation. Sasuke rubbed his back as Naruto puked his guts out while such dizziness and headache attacked him. And he did the exact same thing the other three times Naruto needed to empty his stomach that day. 

One week later the inflammation was gone and Sasuke took Naruto to his house. He took care of him for a couple of days as Tsunade, who was told Naruto fell and hurt himself while training, recommended some rest for at least three more days, since he was still being sick a couple of times a week. Sakura went to look for Sasuke and became furious when she saw Naruto staying there but this time Sasuke reacted before and took her away before she could hurt him again. That didn't stop her from screaming awful things at him though. 

Naruto went back to his own place, not wanting to cause anymore trouble for Sasuke, who felt so bad and tried to make him stay but couldn't make it. Sasuke felt he couldn't be without him anymore and Naruto felt he was being ripped apart when he went into his home alone. Sasuke had convinced him to move in together a few days later and the day Naruto was leaving his house, Sakura appeared in his door. Guilt trip was little to say. What she did wasn't just to guilt trip him about how much she was suffering. She also told him everything Sasuke was going to miss out on by being with him and managed to get into him when he realized he couldn't give Sasuke children and according to the girl with pink hair, Sasuke had said he would be forever miserable if his clan couldn't be restored. Sakura left and Naruto threw his bag back into his bedroom. He left to Sasuke's apartment with tears in his eyes, ready to free Sasuke from himself. He always considered himself a plague and now it was Sasuke who needed to be freed of him. 

Sasuke cried, Naruto cried too. Sasuke begged, Naruto apologized. Sasuke said 'I love you' and Naruto said it too, but he needed the love of his life to know that nothing but misery was coming by being with him. Two hearts, two souls went back to be broken and Naruto's body left empty as his soul stayed right there with Sasuke. 

Months passed and Naruto only lived to the memories of the best 8 months of his whole life. The ones he spent with Sasuke. His friends almost don't see him anymore as he locked himself out of reach. 

Not more than a month after she got Naruto to move out of her way, Sakura went back to chase Sasuke. He felt just hate towards her when he remembered what Naruto went through because of her but if she had manipulated Naruto to get away, what she had planned for Sasuke was even worse. It took her a little longer than she thought but little by little he was letting her in again. He still couldn't stand her but things went back to be like when he just came back. Sakura clinging onto him, making him sick and Naruto looking from afar. Except that now he didn't see him often. 

Naruto had never felt more pain before. Never having Sasuke was bad but having had him and losing him was just unbearable. He handled it for the first one or two months but then he lost it. Specially when he saw Sakura clinging onto him again. 

He started doing risky things. It all started by him not being hungry, never again. He did not eat at all. Just half a can of instant ramen occasionally. Then, he started taking the highest ranked missions he could. He didn't care putting his life at risk and he often came back badly wounded from his missions. He had spent more time in the hospital than in his own house lately. Tsunade noticed it and got worried. She talked to Kakashi and he had noticed it too. Kakashi let Sasuke know about what Naruto was doing and Sasuke wanted to die. Kakashi told him to be brave and do what he felt he had to do. 

Sasuke went to Naruto's house one night. Naruto felt his life coming back to him for a second. Sasuke hugged him tightly and Naruto cried. He was so afraid of feeling Sasuke again and then losing him again too but Sasuke didn't let him go. Instead, he cried along with him. Sasuke didn't resist it anymore and grabbed his blonde boy to kiss him passionately. They found themselves once again in Naruto's bedroom, clothes gone from their bodies. The love and desire took over them and their bodies became only one for one more time, dancing at perfect synchronization as they seemed to be made exactly for each other. Both of them were completely lost in the pleasure and happiness of being together. Suddenly, Sasuke felt his heart shattering when he saw how Naruto was all covered in bruises and scars. Kakashi had not exaggerated when he said Naruto was risking his life way more than he should. He wondered how bad his injuries were if the scars and bruises remained in his body even when he still was the Jinchuriki of the Kyubi. Sasuke let some tears fall and Naruto got scared. Then he felt awfully guilty for causing Sasuke pain. 'This was a mistake' Naruto said and despite he made it clear that he loved him more than his own life, he simply couldn't stand seeing him suffer because of him. Sasuke left broken-hearted and feeling he was not good enough since he couldn't convince Naruto that all of this wasn't his fault. 

A bar was the next destination for Sasuke and Sakura seemingly had a tracker or something because she happened to find him there not too long after he arrived. She took advantage of his pain and got them both drunk. At the next morning, Sasuke woke up feeling his head about to explode. When he opened his eyes and saw Sakura lying naked besides him, he crashed. He quickly put on his underwear and ran to the bathroom to empty his stomach as small lapses of memories from last night came back. He had never felt dirtier. Sakura got in the bathroom and kneeled besides him but he immediately pushed her away screaming furious! He didn't know who to be more mad at. Sakura for taking advantage of him or himself for falling on her bed so easily. He couldn't believe it! Him. In her house. Definitely he had never felt so dirty and so ashamed of himself. An hour later, Sasuke scratched his whole body under the water flowing from his shower. His skin was turning bright red already but he still felt so dirty… so fucking dirty! 

Sakura was left alone in her house but she was ok. She had finally gotten what she wanted. Naruto had practically disappeared, Sasuke had stopped looking for him (she thought), and now, she had had him in her bed. And the best for her was yet to come…

Naruto hadn't come outside ever since Sasuke left the last time. He couldn't even get out of the bed where he had shared the last love making with his true love. And there were two reasons for that. One, Sasuke's scent was still there in the bedsheets and he didn't want to let go of him and their last moment together, and, also he felt dizzy every time he moved as he was still not eating. 

Two weeks after the night he spent with Sakura, Sasuke felt capable of looking into Naruto's beautiful blue eyes again. He felt awful but he knew he simply couldn't live without him. His life without Naruto was meaningless and it had always been. He was his one and only, the one who saved him, who never gave up on him. He was the one willing to give up his own life to die for and with him and he needed to be with Naruto forever. He went to look for him and found him deeply sleeping in his bed. He searched for something for breakfast but realized there was nothing, not even in the trash can. That's why he looked so underweight. Sasuke wanted to stab himself in the chest. He went back to the bedroom and tried waking him up but Naruto wouldn't do it. He was unconscious and Sasuke panicked. He took care of Naruto for two days until he regained consciousness. Naruto was grateful but still felt guilty. He didn't want Sasuke to worry. Sasuke finally convinced him that they would be ok and they would stay together. 

Naruto went to live with Sasuke again and he was taking care of him devotedly. He was starting to gain some weight again and he didn't feel dizzy anymore. Sasuke had never been happier… until Sakura came back once again. Sasuke pushed her away but she slipped into his house anyway. She saw Naruto there and saw red. That was it! She was gonna beat the crap out of Naruto but Sasuke didn't allow her. Naruto couldn't really defend himself in his state. Sasuke screamed at her face 'Naruto is the only one I love and will ever love' and grabbed her by her shoulders to throw her out of their house but she chose that moment to drop the bomb. 'I'm pregnant' Sakura screamed. Naruto fell to the floor and Sasuke could not breathe. He couldn't believe it. How many more bad things could happen to them. 'No!' Sasuke screamed a thousand times but the nightmare was still alive and strong. As strong as reality can be. 

One. Only one single tear fell through one of Naruto's whiskered cheeks. Just one. And he swallowed all the rest as he barely stood up. The dizziness came back but he made his best to keep a hold of himself. He weakly walked his way to the front door and Sasuke jumped in front of him to stop him. He hugged him tightly and spoke into his ear. He begged Naruto not to leave. 'Please' he said another thousand times. Naruto accepted. Sakura screamed something from behind him but none of them could hear her any longer. Sasuke guided Naruto to the couch and sat him there and he told Sakura they needed to talk this through. He promised her that he would take care of their child. He told her that he could still be a good dad but he couldn't be with her. He just couldn't. She kept screaming. Sasuke almost couldn't make out what was it that she was saying. He heard 'married' in the middle of her shouting and instantly refused. He wasn't gonna marry who he did not love. Naruto heard them and he only felt himself choking. Slowly dying. He couldn't cry nor speak a word. He got lost for a couple of minutes until Sakura left after they decided to meet at the next day in her house. They couldn't talk in that moment anymore. 

Sasuke took Naruto to the bed. He was going to explain him how things happened but Naruto just gave him a sad smile. 'I don't want to know' he said. Sasuke wasn't sure about that. Naruto mumbled something about being ok with it but Sasuke could see how much pain he was feeling. He asked one more time for Naruto to let him talk but he just refused again. 

That night, Naruto hugged Sasuke as if there was no tomorrow. He just wanted to love Sasuke for one more night. One more night. He kept his eyes shut when Sasuke looked up to him and opened them when Sasuke fell back asleep. God!… how much he loved Sasuke. How much he loved him. He spent the night imagining what it would be like to spend the rest of their life together. To never have to let go off each other. He loved him that night as much as he had loved him through all those years, how he never imagined he could ever love anyone. His heart wanted to give in for a moment as it ached with the overwhelming feeling. 

The next morning came by and Naruto didn't want the time to pass. He wanted to keep loving Sasuke for a bit more time. Sasuke woke up and Naruto's heart skipped a beat. Time was over… this was it. Sasuke hugged him tightly. He assured him that he was gonna be with him no matter what. Naruto, once again, just smiled. Sasuke apologized a thousand times. Naruto told him not to another thousand times. 'It's ok, Sasuke. You can finally restore your clan' he kept smiling. He never let the smile fade away. The moment to go talk to Sakura came and Sasuke promised to come back right away. Naruto told him to take his time. 'I'll be right back' Sasuke said. 'I'll always be yours' Naruto said…

When Sasuke came out of Sakura's house he wanted to make the whole world explode. Sakura was practically obligating him to ask her to marry him. No matter how many times he said no, she kept saying he had to. He promised he would take care of the child but he didn't ask her to marry him. He never would. For the first time Sakura felt she was failing. She was sure he would do it but he seemed sure of not doing so. She felt so angry. So so angry. Of course, in her mind there was only one person to blame for her unhappiness. 

Sasuke came into his apartment and went straight to look for Naruto but he didn't find him. He looked everywhere and his heart almost got out of his chest when he came into the bathroom and saw vomit traces into the toilet bowl. He had made Naruto eat breakfast even when he asked not to and that was probably the consequence of making him eat it anyway. He felt guilty. Sad. He wondered where he was now. He went out and looked for him everywhere he could think of. Nothing. Until he arrived to his doorstep again. Just like the first time… when they have confessed to each other. The memory of it made him both happy and miserable. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He tried again. Nothing. Then he realized the door was opened. He came in. He still saw nothing. He walked to his bedroom and to this day, Sasuke still wishes he could unsee what he saw that day. 

Naruto was lying there in his bed. The same bed where they had made love for the first time. He had never seen so much blood in his life. Never. And god knows the horrors he had seen in his life. But nothing like this. Nothing. He ran to Naruto and he kneeled down in the bed. His pants got soaked with the blood accumulating in the mattress. He checked Naruto's neck and there was a weak pulse. He checked on him more carefully and saw Naruto's kunay lying at the other side of the bed, covered in more blood. Naruto had three huge slits in every wrist and several other wounds and stabs in his shoulders and knees. Sasuke screamed. Never had he screamed with such force. Those two blue eyes he loved so much opened for one last time. 

'I'm sorry, Sasuke' he smiled slightly. 'I will always love you. Promise me you will live on. Live on… and be happy'. The blue eyes were now shut. They closed forever. 

All this time had passed and Sasuke never skips a daily visit to Naruto's grave. Never ever. He's there every single day devotedly. He can be there for hours. When he's not there, he spends some time with his daughter. He cares about her, yes. But he doesn't love her. He doesn't love anyone. He lost all capacity to love or to hate. He didn't feel anything. The day Naruto died he cried and screamed so much, just so much, he seemed to have wasted all his feelings. He has never spoken to Sakura. Never again. He never married her and never would. To his daughter, he only says what is extremely necessary. The only one who has ever heard him saying something else is Kakashi. 'I still love him. I miss him so much' he says. And Sasuke cries, Kakashi hugs. Sasuke wants to die, Kakashi serves the drinks. Nothing ever was the same. Once a year the leaves of the trees enter by Sasuke's window. And always one of them goes and lies over his bed. He's sure it's Naruto's way to say 'I love you' and always remind him of it once again…


End file.
